Exacting revenge on phone scammers

July 1st, 2012
[by David Armstrong]

Motueka residents continue to be a target group for scammers phoning to help you with your "computer problems", and this writer for one is happy to occasionally score points against them.

Most people have experienced the phone calls, usually around evening meal time, when a distant caller with some kind of Asian accent tells you they have become aware of a problem (usually a virus or a malfunction report) with your computer and offering to help.

The gold-plated advice is to not even engage in the conversation but simply hang up. Or to say you don't have a computer and then hang up. This advice is especially valid if you're busy and don't want to get into an argument with the caller, who given half the chance will get quite assertive about what you must do.

In case you're not well informed about this scam, what the caller is aiming for is to get you to do one or both of two things - go to a website that they say will provide a fix for your problem but will instead send you a virus, and/or get your credit card details to pay for a fix to be sent to you.

Once your number is on their list, they can be very persistent. For a couple of years I've been getting a call from them on average every week, and sometimes two or three - and once twice in one evening!

Hanging up allows them to quickly move on to the next potential victim, so the one thing that they do not want is to be held up by a time-waster. Which leads me to a less-recommended way of dealing with them. You get a laugh and a feeling of minor revenge, which can be worth the small effort if you have a few spare minutes.

As I said, the thing they want least is to spend too long on someone who is not going to deliver the payload, so I have been known to role-play their worst customer. (And do remember that there is no risk in this - you cannot be sent a virus or be parted with your money by telephone.)

My two best efforts to date have been as follows:

1. Start out sounding genuinely worried and thankful that they called - that gets them hooked into wanting to continue. Then after perhaps 15 seconds, interrupt saying, 'hang on, there's someone at the door, but please don't go away'. Then put the phone down (preferably on speaker so you get to hear their growing annoyance), turn on the radio or TV for background noise, and don't return.

After a few minutes you may get to hear the caller screaming, 'are you still there?'. Try not to laugh too loudly before they finally give up having had a few minutes of their scamming time wasted.

2. Again, sound really concerned, perhaps saying, 'yes, my computer has been running badly recently'. They will tell you to go to the computer and go to a website. From here on you can make up the conversation as best you can while trying to sound genuine and gullible.

First up, say you'll have to boot up the computer, and it may take a while. You don't have to say much - your long silences will start to annoy them, but they will continue, believing they will be rewarded. As they continue to push you, just keep saying that the computer is really slow to boot, because you think it may have a virus.

Keep this up for as long as you can (of course, you're not actually at your computer at all), and then say that you're ready. They will tell you to go to a particular website (the one that will fleece you). Sound dumb and tell them you don't know how to find websites - they will try to guide you through the use of your browser. Again, after trying to follow their instructions but very slowly, say you can't find their website because you think you have a virus.

This one can go on for a long time, but eventually either you get sick of it and just tell them you cannot go any further or the caller will give up as you've wasted too much of their time.

One other time I tried to pretend I spoke a guttural gibberish language like what Russian sounds to me, but they gave up within 30 seconds and hung up on me so, although I had a good laugh, the revenge factor was limited.

To repeat, the best advice is to hang up on these people immediately. But if you want to have some fun at their expense - and remember, it's quite safe if you can hold your nerve - and have a bit of time up your sleeve, try one of these revenge games.

And if any reader has some other fun revenge techniques, please let me know via the link below and I can add them into this article.

Comment by Shirley Frater:
[Posted 13 July 2012]

I have been practising many techniques over the years, here are some.

Calls - 6.10pm usually. Roast dinner - just starting to eat.

Caller no 1 - Good evening madam, how are you?
My polite reply - very well thank you [They think they are in with a chance to sell].
Caller - I have a very good offer from Sky - offer given etc.
My calm reply - just a minute I will just check, I think we have sky, pause and walk outside, yes we have sky, I tell her/him, looking north there are a few clouds and west the sun is just going down, I can see 180 degrees and it is not costing me anything to look at. The line goes dead, phoners don't like a smarty. I win, they hang up on me.

Caller no 2 - from Sky. Madam we have very good deal with Sky subscriptions.
I ask them if they are from the Waitangi Tribunal researching into buying sky/air space. They always hang up.

Caller no 3 - an Indian/Asian wanting to sell phone deals.
My response - One moment please I will get pen and paper. Pause [rustle something]. Now could I have your personal home phone number please?
Caller asks why, I keep insisting then finally tell him that I want to ring him when he is having his dinner. Call is terminated.

Caller no 4 - wants to sell ........
I respond by saying I am so pleased he called as I am selling boxes of worms to special callers. Very sexy productive worms that can be couriered to his address. Cost is reasonable.

If their English is not vey good it takes a while to explain about the worms. Calls are always terminated by them.

Always thinking up new smart techniques. Good mental stimulus.

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